all personal writing. my own words, thoughts + some film references
newest/newer at the top
i act on my greed and sex drive
i say murder all rapists
thats all i came to say
emotionally rape me
my conscience is too divine
wishing for a case for moral suicide
which one do you think you need?
and which one do you want?
how can we pity the dead
we have no pity for the living
to love is to want to be absorbed entirely by somebody
i like to walk around by myself, lost in thought
all kinds of sins are sins against ourselves
i am a wound and a blade
you no longer exist
solitude by choice or despair?
imprisoned by devotion
this is a place for breeding
and tight speculation
concrete isolation
choose life
trust yourself
hurt yourself
screaming like theres no way out
sudden harm is what i look for
there's something between me and the world outside
prisoner of the Holy Agony
to be without desire
or resentment
or revolt.
to wander, and to sleep
to believe is to suffer
escape this junkyard of idiotic trivialities
death of the heart
choose life
trust yourself
don't be yourself
breed out the conscience
all is for vanity
hard workers in the docks
paid their wage without their dignity
conclusion no directions
judge yourself through reason
the dichotomy is why we starve
the purity is what we think
my gun is bent in a curve
my veins are thinning out
i want more than ive ever had
Kate would cry
homoerotic art better than your sex
attracted to the opposite of life
havent showered in days
pretty selfish, pretty face
regrets challenge your faith
im a sensationalist
we’re ants trapped in a colony
condoning repressive policy
an emotional strip tease and
strip me of my feeling
any contentment felt like surveillance
everything is wire tapped —
they’re watching you eat
clips of your mother loop on screen
give her your attention please
you cannot think for yourself
your identity is being occupied
you follow your dog on a lead
i refuse to take what i’m given
i'm a faking liar / hypocritical sympathiser
living out my days in the wake / of exiled predecessors
you come to some vague revelation
they're laying eggs in your head
a vacant loss of toleration
you're slowly getting it
a married man fucks another man
couldn’t tell the difference
between the man and his own wife
they both tried to please him
wash in a bath of bleach
try to disguise
you’re trembling at the knees
broken, whipped, and romanticised
pride makes me do things, i never recover
endless need for something to feel
i hurt myself, think it helps
tell me it works, say you’re jealous of me
take up less space
still live in your head
your hatred makes me believe
they all want me dead
I’m scared of what you think
its all made up
impulsive tendencies fed with regret
compassion tears me up
i’ve reached my capabilities
theres nothing more left
imbalanced priorities, beat me to death
i overcompensate, don't know how to act
i lack independence, crave what i can’t have
want to bleed out
bis mein Körper leer ist
isolate to regain control
it es zu hohl?
the androgyny keeps me going
I’m fundamentally appalled
by my own loathing and suffering
i put myself up for sale
my bones on black market for more than i earn
pornographic images turn me on
alle sind lügner, perverse and scorn.
Mam forgets I’m upstairs
I go days not seeing the sky.
the need for sweet release,
takes form of lonely suicide.
need some Alka-Seltzer
my head is concave
I'm drinking for fun
see the smile on my face
dignity found only in self-abuse
shame shown to please you
never felt it in my life
disobedience accumulates, failure pushes me off the edge
hard on myself, can’t stand anyone else
my feelings are temporary
lose sight of their meaning
hurt becomes my self-identity
pain justifies its healing
applause for the suffering, applaud the survivors
applaud those who surrender
bloodshed Warsaw, Napalm girl,
valley of the shadow of death, Tiananmen square
burning flags, burning pain and repair
too reliant on publicity, who shall take our blame?
we have not progressed, just blindly fed images of success
nothing passes the initial grace
demand nothing more than we had before
wag the dog, I’m easy to please
no need to keep it going, the attention just depletes
your hurt is a pity-cry
join political tension for moral abundancy then move along
everywhere you look are victims of endorsed identity
i channel my pain through masturbation
nothing ever turns out how i want it
every lie you tell fuelled by cynicism
blame the news and sensationalism
my sleep is only for survival, I’m being conditioned
weakness is a detriment and empathy’s inefficient
life’s a through-line to death, i wanna reach it
i self-isolate to feel important
there’s no one else in my world, my thoughts stay dormant
we all talk to ourselves, no one’s listening to each other
no point marketing to a comatose era
more drugs, more reasons to leave town,
more filth, more hurt, more self-destruction
i'm very much alive, i've nothing to live for
i'm a parasite, i face dereliction
"you're gonna live forever", that's not what i want
to live in an immortalised slump
nothing to talk about 'cept the weather
no thoughts coming through, nothing to remember
there is no gain, there is no reason
say "better yet", we’re better gone than leaving
i got no choice on who i am
spent my time wasted with no repent
I’m reliable and you’re hellbent
give me wrong advice, you’re innocent
modern life is any other
used for fun, rot in squalor
gib mir alles was du willst
alles, was du gewesen bist
nothing you can do to please me
I’m selfish and sad, les misérable
gib mir was du bist
auch wenn es nichts ist
no room to breathe
breath sickens me, had to leave
left unnoticed, patience misleads,
bathing in self-loathing, I must concede
more drugs, more reasons to leave town
more filth, more hurt, more self-destruction
I’m very much alive
I’ve nothing to live for
I’m a parasite, I face dereliction
a corner house on a new estate
a fucking luxury with these council rates
brother’s gone AWOL, Mam kicked the bucket
no time to breathe, just fucking suck it
were never really together before
nothing I can take that doesn’t harm me more
told you’re gonna live forever, that’s not what I want
to live in an immortalised slump
no thoughts coming through
I’m very much alive
I’ve nothing to live for
my urgency’s died, I’m running myself raw
when all we have to talk about is weather
my ideals are criminalised
there is no gain
can say "better yet"—when's that gonna come
I got no choice about who I am
your hurt is a pity-cry
join political tension for moral abundancy
then move along quickly
everywhere you look
victims of endorsed identity
channel my pain through masturbation
nothing ever turns out how you want it
every lie you tell fuelled by cynicism
blame the news and sensationalised protests
my sleep is only for survival
I’m being conditioned
weakness is a detriment and
empathy’s inefficient
life’s a through-line to death, wanna reach it
self-isolate to feel important
there’s no one else in my world
my thoughts stay dormant
we all talk to ourselves, no one’s listening to each other
what’s the point of marketing to a comatose era
happy safe travels, might not come back
life comes and goes.
freely choose your men
from endless streets of death row
virtuous depravity in-line with the Lord
you pick and choose what we get
law’s a blind man’s sport
culture is not what we work toward
you enslave what you don’t wanna work for
life of selling lies
and moral exposure
media propaganda just televises what we wanna hear:
“rape and violence, black on white”
protect the innocence of socialites
hate what I can’t have and what I want
too poor for fun with fake dumb cunts
my head is such a fun place
come and love me
devalue my morals and shift your views
sure, you can vote how you like,
let’s fuck common sense too
high-rise libertine
moral superiority
theres no such thing as true virginity,
or obedience to the state,
dignity beats purity
keep it to yourself
Roe v Wade,
Smith and Grady,
Belmarsh Detainees,
new world debauchery
tell him what he is
man with a cock that can’t tear it off
high-rise libertine
moral superiority
evolution can’t be true
I don’t belong
the future isn’t real and that still feels wrong
I want shit I can’t have
my pride stops me indulging
say ‘hi Mam and Dad
I wanna lose everything’
everyone stays guilty
you pretend you don’t care
you’re a lying, faking, pussy
a victim of the victim mentality
suppress what’s not working for you
third world kids in the first world
I’m sorry you can’t see
the wealth of the others and the general disparity
always gorging their needs
empathy disgusts me
kill your parents, follow God.
to feel alive you overcompensate and splurge
every man is telling a lie
never quit sulking,
sleep in a doorway and die
then get killed for having nothing
everyone is guilty
pretend you don’t care
you’re a lying, faking, pussy
victim of the victim mentality
good fucking news,
they’re trying to kill me
too scared of living your life
willing to waste it being perfect
Frieden und Liebe
Frieden und Liebe
I don’t have a purpose
and I don’t feel safe
gimme gimme meaning
gimme some fucking grace
the need for belonging takes over -
corporeal, prolonging.
haggling with yourself and giving into ideals
freedom is not your right, rich cunts failing us
Frieden und Liebe
Frieden und Liebe
Liebe
Liebe
material dreams consume
the mainstream - believe it
I don’t want freedom,
you can keep it
lügen und Liebe
Liebe, Liebe
baby tell me tell me I’m useless
claiming you’re endless, gracious,
you know life is wasted.
using innocence against us,
pretty stupid pretty faceless
I need to be used by you
that’s what I’m made for.
try and call me, mother, martyr
come and throw me money, La Traviata
purity is used like a weapon
waiting for you to ruin her
bargains on sale
bargain with futility
the fight for sexual liberty
broken down by polka-dot fragility,
used by men - betray my sanity.
my legacy’s down to a fleeting memory
nothing can reach me
I am the worthless animal you force-feed.
an addict to the faux-mentality:
“it’ll be worth it in the end,
I’ll have money, immortality”
my mind is gone
I dunno myself at all,
there’s no cure for dependency
sweet sweet pretty worthless girl
life feels more demonic,
love, we’ve surely lost it
falling further down the road to nowhere
I’ve got a tight grasp on reality
for someone always up in the air
counterfeit pretension to aid societal despair
my head doesn’t feel empty
I have no belief in myself,
no one should be proud of
the patronising horror of anti-subservience
really I can only hate myself
no one has done anything wrong
I feel things that have no word
I can’t tell you, and I don’t want to
you’re repulsed by everything we do
feel the shame you never wanted to
i want to stare at you until you cry
cry and scream, anthropophagi
I admire prosperity, provocation, persecution.
you gotta dodge the bullet
jump from the cliff
put yourself forward to be considered.
I choke on upward motion
they’ll leave you behind
your rations of hope run short
I hate all you fascists, you don’t mean what you say
I am the loser, believer, the one they leave behind
they don’t care for you, it’s a free-for-all
do you really mean what you say or is it a joke?
whatever you say makes me think
you have nothing to show, you are not bruised
you’ve never had anything to try and prove
you can’t accuse me, I see straight through you.
I am the druggy undiagnosed, the animal decomposed
self-belief, self-worth, body positivity,
I’ve never been worth anything before
don’t try and tell me - no one needs fucking pity
sermonise your sins and still tell me I’m wrong
I’m dragging myself sideways, further from self-sufficiency
said you’re scared of nothing, I hope you’re scared of everything now
I want whatever is turning you on
I want to take it from you.
you can say it’s not deep and live without purpose.
I envy you for things none of us have
Mam tells me I’m special, going in no direction.
we’re meant for affection, collection, retrospection,
hurting myself is my only release
you relent to repent,
what a shame the majority are all discontent
we’re all victims of the same old things
I’m tired of being used, what else am I good for?
they say good things don’t die
purgatory seems appealing to me
hard to think of something I want more than “nothing” at all
I want the stability and comfort
of violence and youth
I said I really wanted them all
but all I wanted was you
rich and burdened, half a life
life’s a gift, eye for eye.
Brady, Kyte, Kappen, more for me.
miners crushed in Thatcher’s peace,
and still they say “there’s nothing wrong with me.”
you can say “free the slave” in a “free country,”
tell me what that’s meant to mean.
there has to be something else
said ‘more and more, more things help’
headlines fucking scream
just keep on keep on
keep it clean.
they ain’t concerned with you or me.
you drink to sleep or ‘drinks on me’
want a perfect life, perfect ain’t alright
don’t want the future, seen your lies.
hang flags in towns where moral parasites
all join and unionise.
says “fuck this country, God save the Queen”
I’ll say “free the slave”, not “free country”.
hasn’t meant very much to me.
without you I think I’d die
nothing feels quite that real.
from you they avert their eyes
they hate everything, prematurity is how I feel
there’s things I think I want
that I already have.
I’d risk my life for not belonging.
you buy her everything with no money.
I never know what I like or what I want,
just know what you have and what I don’t.
you have so much and
nothing to say
you claim you’re pure and I'm to blame.
we're all sick
nothing here resonates - reverberates.
a precentor, agitator, fornicator - yet say you hate her
you regained your self-control
but self-subsidise,
what is your hope worth?
will you let them take it from you?
self disgust grants no reward
ego is needed, just laugh and cry.
you can plead and plead but I hope you die
infantilised, deformed, born to dissatisfy.
claim you’re Liberal, just sainthood carved to commodify